Welcome to "TESTIMONIES"
Here is the subject matter I have in mind: "People Who Talk To Themselves Aren't
Crazy, They're Actually Geniuses"
That quote was posted
by JB Bardot- Written by Gigi Engle
"If I were my peach
smoothie body butter, where would I be?" I say to no one
while I search for my favorite lotion. Then: "Aha! Here
you are. You rolled under my bed."
I talk to myself a lot.
And I don't mean only in the privacy of my own home. I talk to
myself while I'm walking down the street, when I'm in my office
or when I'm shopping. Thinking out loud helps me materialize
what I'm thinking about. It helps me make sense of things
In my case I'm not a
genius but I believe in talking to myself. What is going on is,
one is most likely talking out loud to God. I always ended it
like a prayer in the name of Jesus Christ till next time.
I went through a very
difficult time from 1988 - 1992. Due to President Reagan's changes
of privatizing government agencies throughout the country, state
employees ended up in bedlam. Our jobs were suddenly shifted
to become part of private corporations. They were still under
the power of the governors but employees had to agree to either
find other jobs or become private.
We had 5 years to make
that change. Since I was too close to retirement, I was determined
to stay in my position as a state auditor. The pressure
from supervision was close to unbearable since they wished to
hire auditors for a lot less pay like a third of what I was getting
without having to go through lists as previously in the state
system.They could hire their friends.
The agency was Workman's
Comp. We were some 10 auditors who had to audit 80,000 businesses
annually. Due to high $rates per employee's activity, the business
owners were losing it and one business after another closed down.
Many were unable to pay themselves. They seemed to have a heart
for the people working for them because they had families that
depended on them.
I'm telling you this
to share the stress I was under from both ends, the supervisors
and the business owners. We had to meet a quota of audits daily,
were on the road state wide and wrote up the audits at night
after gathering the information. Most auditors got a state car.
Because of my age they told me to buy a car. They didn't think
I would last in the job more than a month.
I came close to a nervous
breakdown. Not only did President Reagan change government workers
to go private, he changed the Social Security we were to get.
I had worked in the private sector for 30 years, was eligible
for my own, my husband's / widow SS when he passed away as well.
Due to the government
pension, of which I had to buy 4 years with savings, they took
the Social Security away leaving just enough to pay my monthly
My college BA was in
Psychology, Social Science and a BS in Education with a lot of
correspondence courses in accounting which meant little. After
three years of substitute teaching in elementary schools I gave
up on a teaching job. They wanted people from other states. Local
teachers were too boring for the kids.
I landed a job with state
government in the profession that was meant for me in accounting
for developmentally disabled children.
God wasn't going to let
me down. He intervened a number of times to get me that job.
I learned early in life
that we are not alone trying to deal with challenges that come
along as early as we leave home, if we are lucky enough to be
born into a good family.
I was born in Niagara
Falls, NY and at three my parents went back to Germany only for
me to come back to the U.S. at 16 alone. The American military
occupied and announced that U.S. citizens had to go back to the
U.S.. I never considered the consequences of what I might be
faced with, suddenly without family, no money, homeless in New
I found out very quickly
that I had a guardian angel who kept me from taking wrong turns
but on the other hand people I trusted gave me incorrect advice.
The struggle between good and evil became obvious early on.
In 1988 I decided to
record my thoughts since I was driving alone, slightly unraveled
about what to expect when knocking on doors trying to get to
look at people's checkbooks etc.
My college education
in psychology came in handy after all. I remembered lessons how
to deal with client's problems. They didn't have any quick fixes
of any kind except for lobotomies and shock treatments.
A person was to lay down
on a comfortable couch and share their problems with the doctor
without interruptions. I found out later Dr. Freud wrote that
people were his clients for the rest of their lives. So much
for cures. What I did learn was that one could help themselves
by sharing one's troubles with oneself on a recorder.
In raising children that
needed to be capable of dealing with their problems, I made sure
when anything came up for them that was difficult to handle emotionally
to insist they spill the beans to get it up and out of them.
That wasn't always easy, but I insisted to get there to make
sure they wouldn't keep building stuff in their minds out of
Today in 2017, my mind
was again at a low point. In ministry energy drains daily wihout
compensation. God meant for us to have church and socialize which
is not possible on Internet. There is no time to recharge except
The news being what it
is so negative isn't helping. The Republicans are not interested
in making life easier for us little people. Many are laboring
under depression which is one of our worst enemies. It takes
Keeping our minds on
projects of interest keeps that culprit away. Having run out
of ideas I began listening to the recordings from 1988 on to
1992. Re-experiencing those days made me realize all the positive
changes that had taken place since.
Because of the stress
I was experiencing, I had gotten involved in Scripture, was listening
to sermons and letting that dwell in my mind and even praying
to the recorder and telling it my marital, job, parental and
church struggles made me realize how fortunate I am today and
to be thankful for God's loving care.
I was a Mormon at the
time which caused problems to my marriage and parenting my sons.
They didn't wish to go on missions :). Praise the Lord for giving
us great advice in the Bible. We managed to survive everything
as a family.
George and I were married
45 years when he went to be with the Lord.
One of my personal biggest
problems was loneliness. Being married doesn't guarantee freedom
from loneliness. We are social creatures, need friends and social
activity of some kind. Joining a church is often not a solution
since one walks in and out without getting to know anyone.
Pastors have tried to
solve that by shaking hands saying something to each other but
it doesn't change loneliness. Cults are very successful at filling
that gap by getting people involved in the process without asking
questions about where they come from or where they have been.
In Mormonism they involve
the whole family in feeling important. From three years of age
the children are expected to go in front of the whole congregations
and share their experiences. The parents are assigned to many
different jobs that develop in dealing with people over a lifetime.
The members are expected to visit families to make sure all is
After 20 years God made
me aware that the Mormon doctrine is not Christianity and I had
to leave. Because they keep congregations at 600 one gets to
know just about everyone involved. That made leaving difficult.
God had plans for me
even though women are not to become pastors. The Holy Spirit
let me know that everything had been written and all I had to
learn was to publish it in newsletters, give programs in churches
and homes and write a book about my experiences.
Since Mormons keep their
congregations in the dark, they don't teach their doctrines.
One has to find out by listening to conversations and hopefully
find out a thing or two about what they believe.
Many Mormons are foreigners
and have no idea what Mormonism is, as it was in my case. Because
of work outside of the home, raising a family, and jobs in the
church there was no time to look at their books. I simply believed
that they were for real, since they called themselves the only
To write about cults
after I left meant to study the whole history and what their
doctrines really are. It meant reading lots of books, going to
conferences and joining former Mormon groups to learn how to
deal with the future.
It meant buying and learning
how to run equipment. There was to be no income since the Bible
states that one better have the means to finish or not even start.
Praise the Lord for Internet
which made it easier to collect and disseminate information.
My intention for this
website is to help some of you overcome loneliness that has taken
over. Many churches have gone to be with the Pope since he is
intent on gathering all religions to himself and believers who
are keeping up with what is going on find themselves having to
separate from their churches.
I'm hoping with this
website to help overcome some of the issues people have. What
most of us don't realize is that we, who are born again believers,
are in this together.
We are under attack from
the evil side and trying to keep our sanity. False teachings
are rampant. Now the Bible is tampered with. The left wing is
growing by leaps attacking anything that relates to God of the
I wish to encourage people
to share their story either by recordings such as 'mp3' or 'wav'
files or in written form and I will post them on this website
for others to listen to or read. Jesus told us in
Matthew 18:16 "But
if he not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that
in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established."
God be with you,
Shalom, Rita Williams